Resident Physician Contributing Writer
Kaiser Permanente, San Francisco
Celeste Arden Swain MD is a 4th year OB/GYN resident at Kaiser Permanente San Francisco. She attended Bowdoin College for her undergraduate degree and Drexel University College of Medicine for her medical degree. She will be starting a Minimally Invasive Gynecology Fellowship in Portland Oregon this summer. Celeste enjoys trail running, surfing, and spending time outside with her husband.
There was a dark, empty space. Stillness, Where there should have been movement. No rhythm, no dance to take me across the screen.Floating, falling, weightless. Stillness. Silence. The heart. His heart. Still. My heart. Loud and bounding. In the small triage room, silence was my call for help. Scan, search, more gel. Maybe if I keep looking, I will find it. 38 weeks. Labor check. Uncomplicated pregnancy. Contracting painfully for the past few hours. As …
During my medical school journey at the University of Maryland, I created this photography series as an introspective representation of my experiences and to portray some of the unseen challenges and realities of medical training that, for example, are not seen on “medfluencer’s” pages — some feelings, experiences, and stories I wish I would have known prior to embarking on this career path.
At the turn of every corner / I will be found out / You will see / The fraud in me
Don’t you forget the first day of life, / You had turned upside down / And a tight slap upon your backside / Even to get you to breathe!
It feels odd to have family members in the hospital regularly again. My patient’s wife approaches cautiously; for a second I pretend not to see her. She looks like she wants to talk and I’m afraid she wants good news I can’t give, promises I can’t make, and time I don’t feel like I have. She wants time to tell me her loved one’s stories.
Graduation gown: shiny, matching cap / She looks up / With aspirations
Scared and frightened, we came in as interns / We had the knowledge, but we needed direction
Here I am, come and get me! A playful provocation we have all used with much more than literal meaning as a mantra. But going through the rigors, chills and metaphorical bacteremia of medical education, I lost some of the pieces that made me confident to be myself.
Fellow Physician Contributing Writer
Johns Hopkins University / National Institutes of Health
Dr. Michael Barbato is a pediatric hematology oncology fellow at Johns Hopkins University/National Institutes of Health. He is specializing in epigenetic research and considering a bone marrow transplant clinical focus. He is interested in advocating for maintaining professional and personal life balance in medicine and physician burnout. He is particularly passionate about the arts and how they can be used as expressions in medicine. He can be found on Instagram @mibarbato.
